Easier to Run
by Saiyachick
Summary: {Songfic}GOKU-ANGST After the Cell battle,Goku ponders on why he stayed in the next dimension. He realized he wanted to run away from his problems. Now he realizes he's putting the problems on his family and decides to erase the shame and regain the pride


Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, or this wonderful song.

Summary: I was listening to my Linkin Park CD again, and it fitted that bastard Goku's persona, so here you go, a songfic of him and running away from the problems…

**_Easier to run_**

****

**_Sometimes, it's easier to run than face challenges, but if you don't face them yourself…someone else has to live through that problem…_**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

**_It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

A lone warrior stood on the brink of the other dimension breathing heavily. The gruesome battle of life and death against Cell was finished and he had been dead for quite sometime. His deep obsidian orbs stared against the sky and he shook his head furiously…

He's been doing a lot of thinking about whether to deal with the pain alive, and wait until another enemy comes, or should he run away and hide in the next dimension. It was hard to deal with the pressure, but if he stayed here, he wouldn't have to worry about that pressure.

"I don't know…"

He was alone, isolated from the other dead fighters. His legs swung on the edge of snake way, and the warrior, formally known as Goku, kept staring beneath and above, deciding to take a tough decision.

"It would be easier this way…"

Soon enough the dragon balls would be collected, and he would have to choose an easier life, or the harder one. It reminded him of a story he once heard. A story of a man who need to get to a village, but there were two paths. One path was effortless, but was longer, but there was also a shorter path, but perilous with many obstacles. 

The man couldn't make up his mind of what path he must take, longer, or shorter, hazardous or unproblematic. The man decided to take the effortless path, but didn't know what he got himself into. Sure, the path was easy, but it was long, and by the time the man got to the village, it was too late and nightfall crept.

Goku had the same problem; this was the type of problem that may end up happy or sad, right or wrong… **__**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

Ever since Goku was a young child, he remembered only bits of his past on Vegetasei. All he remembered is seeing was his own father glaring back at him as a mere baby. Nothing seemed good enough…he was so alone.

Goku was the child who was never held by his father…never embraced by a fatherly hug. Though he never told anyone, he was sick and tired of making all these decisions. It was tiring when he had to deal with the ordeal of defeating an enemy, or losing to someone, or even letting down his family.

His pride was taken deep within him. His pride of being a warrior was captured because of running away from his battles and the life that may remain before him.

"It's the right choice isn't it?"

This pain would never heal…the pain of letting his family down. Making Chichi cry once more, making Gohan go through anguish, and making all his friends live through torment once again.

But it wasn't his fault…was it? He couldn't handle the weight of the world's sadistic defense upon his shoulders anymore…not again. He's done it one to many times…never again…not anymore.

"I can't do it…I have to run…"

These images of bloodshed and watching people being tainted by deaths hands have gotten to him. It was so twisted…so gruesome. The pictures and images haunted him, tormented him, and plagued him for the last time!

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

_Three years later****_

****

Goku looked into the crystal ball of Baba's and sighed with pain. Over the years of running away he watched over his family and saw how everything went. His friends got over the death a little, but were still depressed, but the worst thing that happened was of his family…

Chichi cried every night, and was never the same. For the past three years all there was in that house was tear shed because of his crowdedness of running from his family and problems.

"Spilling tears of depression…because of me…"

Gohan wasn't any better. It seemed as though Gohan was angst all the time whenever his father's name was mentioned. It was as if Goku's pure son was now not innocent anymore…because there was a new addition to the family…Gohan was the man around the house.

"Growing up too soon in this world…because of me…"

Goten…the small baby Goku didn't know about until it was too late was born, and he seemed clueless. Gohan did a fine job raising him with no harm, yet the innocence inflicted a wound on Goku. Goten would not know about the father that was unknown.

"Never knowing about his father…because of me…"**_  
  
_**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something more  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

Running away…

Never to return…

Escaping the past…

Inside it burns…

The pain that was within Goku grew on as he watched over his family. Chichi concealing her sadness in front of Goten, and Gohan obscuring the bitterness he felt.

"It's easier to run…"

As the story went, he picked the same path as the old man…the easy way out. Yet when things are easier, something else comes along harder and longer. It was then Goku was banished from setting a foot on the earth until four more years…until the next Marshal Arts tournament.

King Yema told Goku that the dragon balls of were no use because they were already spread across the earth, and even if he wanted to come back, he couldn't because it would be permanent.

But Goku already knew that even if he got the chance to go back to his normal lifestyle…he wouldn't. The days passed by, and if he went back he would once again live through the pressure and patronizing of being the best at everything…he was still running away, trying to find the answer…the truth.

It was easier to go and stay dead than living through the ache alone on earth where nobody would understand. His decision was like suicide, but darker. That's why he made that _noble _sacrifice everyone was talking about.

Sure he didn't want his family to go, and felt the heartache of leaving everyone once again, but he also felt relief from escaping the darkness of the world… **__**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

Dead?

Gone?

Deceased? 

Goku was all those things, but everything from the past still disturbed him. Dreams of crimson filled his mind…the fights from Garlic Junior to Cell all over again. He wished he didn't have to live this past, present, or future because it was too damn hard!

The mysteries and darkness of his history was all erased because all was replaced with torment and anguish. Goku didn't want to run away but he couldn't take it, he didn't understand.

If that was the life he was suppose to live, he didn't want him. Even when death overcame him, life still haunted; infected his body and mind, heart and soul. 

"I wish this was all over! I just wish I could just let go, not having to move forward so I wouldn't have a past, just please, I don't want to go through this again!" He cried out to the rain in the next dimension.

Rain still poured and the thunder growled at Goku, and he just cried back until he finally snapped. He turned Super Saiyan and lightning started to flash crazily.

"GO AWAY!"

Little bits and fragments of the past still flashed through his mind he grabbed his head. There was the time when he was only and mere child…it was right after grandpa Gohan died…being alone…huddling in the corner of the small hut…crying weakly.

Then there was the time he first transformed in the world Marshal Arts tournament with his battle with Jackie-Chan. It was then he found out he killed his beloved grandpa. Then there was Garlic Junior…when his little four-year-old child beat him, and he could barley leave a scratch!

"I ADMIT IT! I'M A FALIURE!"**__**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_**

"I'm so sorry," he cried softly, "I'm sorry for running…for being a coward…forgive me all of you…"

Goku shook his head and his words became steady. "Please forgive me, I am sorry. If I could take all that pain away I would, if I could change myself I would!"

He looked inside the crystal ball upon his family and his eyes saddened. "I'm not perfect, I couldn't handle it, please…don't blame yourself Chichi…Gohan…I am still taking the shame even when I'm dead."

The rain started to clear up and the gray ambiance still remained. He sighed…the Saiyan formally known as Kakkorrot broke…he finally broke…

"I promise to all of you, I swear of it, I will come back and make all the pain go away. I promise I'll take the blame for everything. I'll sort everything out and regain your trust and love once again. Chichi, my mate, love, my joy, I'll make your depression seem nothing more than a memory."

"Gohan, your bitterness will be no more, I will take my job back. I realize that when I come back your childhood will already be gone and nothing, but I will repay you in any way. Just hold on son…hold on."

"And dear, sweet, innocent Goten, my precious child, I know that I will never able to hold you as a baby or even an infant, and you'll be much older, but I also vow that you will grow up with a father for the rest of your young life."**__**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Just washing it aside  
All of the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
It's so much simpler than change  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

The sun came out and he looked out into the horizon. For the next four years, he will train, and then it will be complete. Never again will he neglect his family for anything else…he figured it out…

He would regain his pride and honor by washing his past aside and start a new beginning with what he has. Goku vowed to make it up to his family, and if he succeeds, then his goals in life were set. 

In the beginning of death he felt helpless, like he didn't belong…but in the end he knew he did. It didn't matter now, whether he fitted in or not, he's going to go back home with his determination in one hand, and his hope in another.

Hope.

Faith.

Truth.

Trust.

All will be regained…and the torment and darkness in his past will be nothing more than a memory, and he will never be plagued by such vile images. All will be forgiven…or will he end up with rejection.

The answer is to remain unknown…it is now he understands what he had done. His mistakes were taken upon others, as were his jobs, blames, and shame. He finally realized there was something more than what happened…**_       
  
_**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something more  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

Today was the day he would be going back…no more running away…

He wouldn't run anymore, yes, the path he took was the wrong and longest choice and lead him to unhappiness and agony. The paths were all wrong. Yes, he understood life know, clearly…perfectly.

Life is made of the good and bad, easy and hard. 

An easy life reverts back to the story of the old man and the village. The old man thought since the easy path had no obstacles, it would be as hard to come across, yet he was very wrong. The easy path was smooth, but also very, very long. It took almost half a day to get to the village from the path, and the old man didn't make it until nightfall.

A hard life reverts to the short but perilous path from the story. If the old man had only taken the harder path he would have realized that it wasn't really that hard. Life consists of hard work, and the only danger that was in the hard but short path was the woods and a cave. By taking that path, the old man would have been in much harm, and would have gotten to the village in a mere hour.

That was Goku's philosophy on his own life. He chose the long and easy path, which concluded to him of running away from danger and his own problems, leaving them to his loved ones.

By running away, Goku cause his son to turn against him, his wife was fulfilled with grief and sorrow, and young Goten was left with no father to tuck him in at night. But now that Goku's mind was made up, he promised all that would change.

"It maybe easier to run, but its really harder to deal with leaving your loved ones pain." Goku said and turned away from the brink of the mountain and was off into a new life with his family and friends…

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

**_It's easier to run  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)  
It's easier to go  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)_**

**_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

**Kat:** Yep, once again I come out with a Songfic with Goku being a not so bad guy. See! I can be nice too! Even though I despise Goku:::ki blasts a Goku action figure::: doesn't mean I cant be a happy camper! Ok…ok…I'm not exactly telling the truth. My good friend and fellow author CandyLand told me to stop being so damn prideful and to let it go for once and to make Goku a good guy…lol enjoy! 


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